everyday i check my email, hoping and wishing for some magic email from somebody that will change my life. i suppose i’m waiting for my fairy godmother. i open gmail with the tiniest hope and expectation of the unexpected that i once opened the mailbox with as a child – the way we all secretly hope for our letter from Hogwarts to arrive.
what if it did? what if i checked my email one day and there it was? a letter telling me i was magic! inviting me to come join a new world full of adventure and success, one where i didn’t have to worry about money – a world in which i could work hard doing the things i love, using my talents to stop evil and right wrongs worldwide. what does that look like? what does it take to receive one’s calling? in many ways, it is like a calling: a sudden understanding of what one is and what one wants to do.
i want mine.
if i list out my skills, interests and ideas on a sheet of paper, will a venn diagram determining my life’s mission suddenly emerge?
and what of anxiety? these days i feel that even when i’m motivated and have direction and feel like i know what i want, i then shrivel in a ball of anxiety. i’m not sure how to fix it. i’m not sure why it’s so hard for me. these days it’s even making me grumpy and angry. i want to lash out at those who are most helpful to me. i want to fight them and have the urge to yell at them for not being able to fix anything.
but instead i hide. and check my email repeatedly.